一天拖一天。。。

今天

明天

后天

都是一样。

起来，有时上学，回家吃饭。看电视，洗完，上网，睡觉。

（有时我真想要把这该死他妈的世界烧掉）

我看见妈妈伤心的脸 我的心真的很痛

加上我又生病，我看到的一切仿佛像一个梦，一个不清不楚恢恢闪烁的荧幕。

我恨现在的我们。我们一点都不快乐。

妈妈烦钱，烦家事，烦生意。她说她快要崩溃了，有很多人在弄她。（我每次听见看到她这样，我很伤心。是不是我十几年前烦的错？我不应该告诉她）

爸爸只顾赚钱，回家吃饭。妈妈去帮忙守着当口。他觉得这样已经够了。

妹妹不听话 有样学样。她看我用电脑，她也用电话。大人说她，她顶嘴。她不喜欢在家里读书。她的成绩差的不得了，今年还是她大考。我不知道该怎么办。

我是一个废人。只会天天上网用电脑的废人。有时帮忙做家务，其它时间都浪费在发呆，玩耍，发牢骚上。我觉得我是世界上最没有用的人。不准哭，你没资格。

这不是像以前有穷又神经的家。我不要现在。虽然钱比较多，可是还比以前少。

我讨厌现在。每个人都只顾自己。妈妈恨尽力很尽力的维持这个家，可是还做不到。

我明年要毕业了。我应该要去那里？

我这个废人天天只会做白日梦，一点成就也不会有。

我有时会随口告诉妈妈我希望明天大家都会死掉。妈妈说不要天天祈祷世界末日。

你说，我能不吗？我真的希望这一切结束。

back to ranting again. Why do i always suck at time managing? I don’t get it. fuck…

Mama says im very vulgar, which is true. I find myself way too vulgar too :(

Plus i’m seriously over sad about my pinhole camera film. Nothing fucking film developed. Am i that horrible? I’m seriously super disheartened. But then I’m kinda determined to do another one because I gotta prove to myself I don’t suck at photography. It’s the only thing in this fucking world I deem myself i’m a bit better than my friends.. But recently, my photos of kampong buangkok are like so shitty..

I always promise ppl esp like reggie… sigh fuck you shareen, yelled her mind.

You made me go sleepless tonight!

wtf lol papa taking a shit in the middle of the night he’s diarreah

since when is it fucking 8pm?

I’m  a teenager. But at the same time, society expect me to behave like an adult. 

Out of a sudden i feel so miserable, so miserable i could die inside ( not really though but i’m really tired now)

so tired. Last night was pretty bizarre. We didn’t finished walking throught the whole ceremony due to thunderstorm. Just that little bit more? sigh. But whatever. Amitabah.

Sometimes i wonder why people are complaining. If nothing triggers me, i won’t say anything i swear. But everyone’s complaining and hello i’m a human too you know? 

I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore (lol joking that’s just my famous tagline)

Life sucks shit man and those fucking bugs are here to leave their fucking pathetic wings again. fuck my life. laundry at this time plus dinner. And they could say i can save those time if i didn’t on this computer.

wtf?!?!?!

Only blogs allow such nonsensical rants. Humans could have punched you in the face.

Well, at least i did not.

My friend is retarded. Why is she being bogged down by such retarded stuffs? move the fuck on do your fuckinghomework plus yourdadissick. Im puzzled by how you weigh your priorities too. Amazed.

well fuck this shit i needa be in the kitchen actually should be doing work. diu.

i just met this cute guy. I hope and somehow dont hope my first real relationship is a long distance relationship cause i wud be so sad D;

but he’s a really nice guy man. I hope he’s just like me,but in a weirder way im fine with it D:

He’s got quite a few asian girls before lol lol. Let’s see how it goes!

Anw, today pamela told me about her sad stuffs. I’m really sad for her. #truestory 

cause like she gave in so much to that mark and stuffs.. well whatever. I just hope that it all doesnt just ends like that or she’ll really be really sad..

well that’s not impt but somehow i let her know that i liked jason and somehow like i felt she already found out? lol i don’t even know whatever.

Hey and you, the guy i liked for  5 years. I’m sorry you had that. i guessed the last time i see you is like at thompson plaza when u got down the bus? sorry man. I hope is isnt too hard on your girl.

God bless you.

today me is sad and fucking depressed and most importantly disapointed…

how on earth not even merit..?

sigh heart pain only..

So seriously, don’t expect too much and expect the unexpected…

today saw you, and i don’t feel butterflies in my stomach but was shocked instead.

was i the one who can’t take my eyes off you or what? lol sorry if it is… my bad haha…

sorry for not looking into your eyes while you asked me a question, but whatever i think im no longer really like crazy over you..

i think i thought long enough, cause we are not suitable to be together so i won’t try to make any effort or i will be really stupid.

nice meeting you,it was nice,all those fantasy thinkings.

i will stop…

2.34 llol this gpa so sian expected drawing to be a C+ or at least C but wtf D+? fuck lorh… hais whatever year 3 better buck the fuck up sian somemore its affected eh!! sian at least must hit 3 wtf cus very low lorh;( 

whatever balls lol.

hmm hmm hmmhmm today’s mama bdae. 

so bogged down by many things and i feel so empty and tired. its so hard to be a housewife i must say, you really lose alot of freedom… so having a family is rly a burden lol. now im like some part time house wife liddat looll. 

mama is old already omgosh D:

and i hope alida’s papa hurry recover sighs…

Its good to just crave for someone or something you can never get,at least they occupy your mind ‘healthily’ lollol. 

seriously im kinda scared i would fall in love with some ugly derp next time. Better keep my heart and hands to myself. lol i know fate this kinda thing is veh difficult to say but whatever Noooo lol.

but so sad to see next time if mama got no grandkids;(

argh fuck all the shits about future.diu.

my studies…

if fail i would juts motherfucking help papa’s stall and work full time lol. or work in internet.

okay after this go overseas arh? singapore have meh ._.

monash arh? then what NIE training..then come back be art teacher.. then after that lei?

help papa and mama open stall and me also help to tend stall.

then thats it.

meet any ah kao lol no please da fuq.

so i better meet one in uni or NIE or go woo after ky or jason AHAHHAHAHA FUCK LOL

omgosh all these better not leak out or i will mf die in a pit of shame LOL….

whatweputbehind:

llol im so lazy i don’t even wanna move my butt..

suddenly being alone i thought of the things frety said and how fierce jac d was the other day.. pretty scary…

then the fucked up feeling comes back again.. sigh..

why suddenly like that?)(!I(@)AODIJASODJAOISDJA!_029492)(#(

watched that pro guy lawrence’s demoreel video da fuq he alr compiled his portfolio for this year alr piang.. sian lorh. what should i do? better hurry!!!

#arghfuckface

im so happy today when he finally said we are released omg.. the euphoria..the happiness.. sorry mr f and mr j.. really sorry guessed we owe you alot..

today so sad i almost kena like faith wtf sigh so sad 

amituofo thanks for always protecing and guiding me D:

is it always me losing chances of relationships or is it just that im not prepared yet?